Forgotten door,
Creaking with time's sorrowful burden,
Frozen in silence through years gone by,
A secret passageway to moments passed.
Buried.
Within an aching being.
Suppressed images,
Too dark and too sticky to recall,
Intense happenings from distant lives,
Stronger than the prison within.
Aching.
Inside this tortured soul.
Creeping outwards,
Curling towards the lights of the surface,
The blackness within becomes without,
Losing its grip on the deep, dark hole.
Flowing.
To face the light of truth.
Surfacing terrors,
Cool heart coaxes them forward,
Forcibly trembling with unknown pain,
Yet defiantly braving the onslaught.
Welling.
The pools of disdain.
Frightened shivers,
Ebb away almost as soon as they came,
The realisation that blackness in light,
Is nothing more than a memory.
Relief.
As calm floods back in.
Posted for One Stop Poetry's One Shot Wednesday, week 33.
20 comments:
"blackness in light,Is nothing more than a memory." I feel this too. I had a line in a song that went "If light can be contained, then we destroy"... something similar maybe.
The first 3 stanza's leave you feeling like you are leaving this suppressed memory behind, but then you seem to fall back into that door. In a way I find this very sad. Perhaps this is what you want from the reader, but based off the last line. I don't know. It is a very powerful piece of writing. The various emotions of dealing with what is in the darkness come through in this piece – very well. RS
The picture is great with this piece they interact so well. For me it takes me back to the recesses of my mind as a child shut in a dark barn
Nice poem for One Shot - thanks
There's always an adventure behind a half open decrepid door. Sorry I'm an eternal optimist! The first few stanzas reiterated the gloomy old door and felt sad, but you lifted the mood of the poem towards the ending. Lovely one shot
Strangely was describing the emotions evoked by the place I took the picture... it's this big, disused barn with that mossy shed tacked on the side, on the outskirts of my quaint little Hertfordshire village in the UK. When we walked past an almighty storm was brewing and the afternoon sky had clouded over grey, and the whole place was decidedly creepy. A vast, echoing structure decidedly out of place on the crisp, green landscape.
Powerful poem. "Too dark and too sticky" is a great way of conveying what you mean to imply. Well done. Also love the turn in the poem to hope, that "blackness in light is memory." Another great line.
I am so glad your poem ends with relief because this picture seemed to prompt a flood of amorphous buried feeling/memory that seemed to long for daylight, clarity. Great pairing of picture/poetry, though the words could definitely stand alone. Very powerful.
oh, that last stanza is great..as others have already commented...the blackness in light, nothing more than a memory...nice work...bkm
What I like most about this poem is the musicality and the structure, the controlled line-lengths and syllabication, the one central image in each stanza, the consistent movement in the fifth line of each stanza. This speaks to a love of form and rhythm that I would love to see more of in modern poetry.
I also breathe a sigh of relief, at the ending.
I loved the easy rhythm and was so glad for the light of calm and relief at the end. It was powerful and recognizable.
I could really feel this one. So much to feel...
"Suppressed images,
Too dark and too sticky to recall,
Intense happenings from distant lives,
Stronger than the prison within.
Aching.
Inside this tortured soul."
whew you took us there and back in your verse...tight with emotion...glad you brought some relief there...great write...
I also like the form of this poem. It feel like a childhood memory. Getting in trouble, running off hiding, afraid of repercussions, and when brave enough find out they are minimal. But the form is such a melody that it is like a song of youth and discovery for me. Well done! Gay @beachanny
could feel the tension and the relief in your poem...dripping from the lines..
Mood effective work.
That last tension brings a welcome relief of tension. Nicely done.
"Buried.
Within an aching being." I liked your clear way of expressing emotion without being over emotional about it.
Shivers...and then (as I kept reading, waiting for it) relief. Thank you for offering it!
Its a great one shot, and I enjoyed it so much... its full of emotions that I could relate to and nicely put...
Thanks for sharing..
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/02/whispers-night-along-sea.html
Twitter @VerseEveryDay
Yes, always so great when the lights comes back in. A bad dream fading.
I really like that door picture a lot!
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