For him

For him, I would do anything.
Walk a thousand seas,
Take a million steps,
A perfect dream of wonderful days,
Together.
Hands enclosed together,
Wishing this beautiful daydream was true.
I yearn to hold him close,
Kiss him with the full force of what we keep hidden inside.
I love him,
But it can never be this way.
A secret moment,
Resigned to memory,
Without ever even existing.

x

Averting my gaze... or running away?

I'm frozen on the spot in the middle of the street.  He's there.  She's there.  And yet I can't move my feet.  I want to duck, to dive, to hide in the corner, but I'm stuck right in front of them like a bright red dot.  I might as well shout at the top of my voice "Come flaunt your love!  Tear my heart from my soul!".  They surely must know my anguish inside, as my rabbit-like expression creases with pain.  Like a knife through the side my thorn is their rose, the pain only worsens that they surely must know.  Don't they see?  Or don't they care?  My breathing quickens, there's pounding in my chest, and finally the adrenaline kicks in my head.  Like a child learning to walk their first steps, I shakily force each foot to move.  Step by step.  Try not to fall.  Gracefully averting like I never even saw.  Not flinching my pose, but pretending see, something beautiful close by that I have to approach.  I watch with intent from the corner of my eye, watching them walk tentatively by.  Relief starts to flood... they think I never saw... their loving affection that could put my heart on the flood.  I continue to ponder, to look over and wander, until I'm sure they've finally gone.  Breathe.  Breathe again.  It's never too much as long as I can get away.

Tiredness falls

Heavy, my eyelids fall.  Protesting their resistance to each opening.  I feel the laughter creases, fighting back with a heavy-hearted response.  Sleep would be so perfect.  But I must stay awake.  A list of chores that continues to pile up, exhausted by the day that passed in a blur.  My mind is screaming to come to a standstill, lusting for a pillow like a feverish rage.  I need it, want it, will for it.  It is all I desire.  Reaching inside but unable to muster the effort.  The rage spreads outwards... filling my every being.  I must have it.  Until it's too much... I collapse on the bed.  And all at once... I'm at peace.  Ebbing out as the swathes of softness envelop me.  Perfect, restful sleep.

Rain Rhythms

Rain lashes my window over and over, splish-splash-splosh-splish-splash-splosh, again and again. It builds to crescendo, a forte of rhythm, melodic in tone and soothing to hear.  Lying in bed I let it envelop: my head, my dreams, my heart, my soul.  Pulsing around them, it drums with precision, stirring the beat at the depths of my soul.  Tribal - I feel it - longing and yearing, nature's attempt to make me her own.  Instinctive and natural it transports me out - I'm lying outside with the rain on my skin.  Warm drops of light cool on my face.  I taste it, it falls hard, soaking my clothes but I feel more at peace than ever before.  What magic it has, the rain from the skies, casting its tempo like a spell on my soul.

Peace.

To share this moment.  Perfect peace in Scotland.  A silent loch of calm.

Nonsensical ramblings of a maddened linguist

Encroyablically fantasticismily perfectionated withinwithout a momentation of puristic insanitiation, dreamist whispens towout and towin his alistened audientical.  Perfinity booms.  Itsanicallistically bluest. Partioning happenets whoin and whoout dreali whitenest at millantic laught.  Allianciantious!

Protecting my secret

I see him there in front of me.  Gently mocking with his dark smile.  Laughing so softly, believing he knowz it.  But he cannot see all of me, he cannot see her.  Hidden beneath my swathes of clothing.  She's hiding, silently, and he doesn't know she's there.
I whisper for her to hush for a second, her voice almost as loud as my own in my head.  "He doesn't know".  I hiss silently.  Expressionless I have to protect her, save her from what the mocking could become.  Precious.  She will be all that I am and I that I could be.
I hold firm.  My breath lost in fear.
And like magic, he is gone.
Safe, I am.  Relieved, she is.

Night. Time.

Tick toc... clock goes round. Seconds pass. Minutes turn. Tick toc. Waiting still. But sleepy now.

When is light?

It's still dark.

Wish the light would cross my eyes.

Lost little doll

Shot of a retro doll on the floor of an old building. Darkness around. She's missing an arm. Forlorn and alone, away from her cocoon. What would it be like to be her? Lying in the darkness with all the time in the world to think. Unable to move as your arms are stiff. Painless reflection as the dust falls gently and thoroughly onto your face. Layers forming as years pass. You eyes begin to fade and you skin turns to grey. But your essence is there, immortalised in plastic. The form and shape with which you were born. Frozen forever in this dark emotion. Terror is not a word you know. Terror is not a word you need. Your calm face will stay that way, reflecting on life and waiting for the opportunity to love some more. No fear is the way, to pass through the world. Calm and collected, no matter how bleak things are. As long as you remember who you are, you can always become that person and more. The doll on the floor, all alone, not afraid. Hopeful and restful. Waiting for the day to become herself once more.

A Moment of Inspiration

Creeping feelings, building twisting, burning. It's filling my thoughts like an overflowing well of murky gloom, only this is a different kind of dark. A cool, refreshing, inspiring darkness, that soothes and enthuses each and every breath. Perfect. Silent. Desperately surrounding me in its perfect flow. I feel it inside, around, beyond and behind. It's everywhere. It's amazing. It's mine.